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Playing Nicely With Others

7/29/2024

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One of my online friends who has been following my ramblings for quite a few years often sends me thought provoking ideas for this blog, which are much appreciated. I’ve never met Tony O. as he is a half a world away in Australia but I do consider him a friend and I hope one day we’ll actually be able to sit down together and do some playing. Tony is blessed to have a wide range of music-playing friends, both in organized groups and at yearly events where many guitarists gather for song-swapping, impromptu sessions of variable size and other cool events. I am jealous! What he is doing is often referred to as a jam session.
 
Making music with others is one of the true joys of being alive, as far as I’m concerned. But to the uninitiated it can be a bit daunting if not downright scary. In the last couple of years I’ve been doing more casual musical get-togethers than I have in a long time and I’ve noticed a few things that often are the difference between having a great time and disappointment on both a personal and observational level. Tony was nice enough to send me a long email with details about his experiences and we both came to the same conclusion almost simultaneously (as much as something can be simultaneous via email anyway!): Having fun and also learning something at a jam session would be a great idea for a blog entry. So, here goes…
 
What is absolutely essential is “checking your ego at the door.” This does NOT mean denigrating your own ability. We all know what we know; whether or not that is important in a larger sense as we approach unrehearsed musical encounters is really up to the participant but I do know this: I’ve seen plenty of recreational guitarists who know a dozen or so chords and a couple of serviceable strumming patterns have a grand time playing with much more experienced players with wider musical vocabularies. How can this be?
 
First of all, don’t expect to know every song that will be played. More on song ideas to bring to jam sessions later, but for now, just expect to “go with the flow.” In most modern popular music - folk, country, blues, Americana, singer/songwriter, rock - the overall form of songs is hardly ever very complicated. For a song to be popular it needs to be repetitive and fairly predictable. It also is pretty easy to identify elements in a song you’ve never heard that remind you of a song you HAVE heard and played. This is why it’s sometimes a good idea to just listen to the first verse or so before you dive in. If you can identify chord sequences before jumping in you have a head start on being able to play it when the next verse or chorus comes around. But wait….I’m getting ahead of myself. Time to back up.
 
Finding open jam sessions can be a chore; word of mouth works from time to time but I think being pro-active is a better strategy. This is an instance where we can utilize social media to a very positive end. In my area there are many Facebook groups that offer information on music gatherings of like-minded players, beginners, more experienced players who welcome players with a wide range of abilities, fans of a particular musical genre and more. In most cases those groups welcome new members and by asking a few questions you will most likely find regular gatherings at places like community centers, churches, libraries, parks (when the weather is decent), cafes and restaurants on “off” nights. You could even start a Facebook group under the heading of something like “Thursday Night Jams at (fill in the blank)” - you’ll be amazed at the response.
 
So, let’s say you’ve found what seems to be a friendly and chill open jam and you decide to try it out. What’s the first thing you should do when sitting down to play, regardless of how many players there may be? Tune up!!! In this modern age of inexpensive digital tuners there is absolutely no reason to play an out-of-tune guitar. Nothing will drive your new music mates crazier than someone whose guitar is painfully out of tune. Take your time tuning. It doesn’t have to be absolutely perfect - very few guitars ever are for an extended period of time - but this is one element of playing with others that you DO have control over.
 
Now, the biggie. What to play, song-wise. Some players I’ve known have expressed their surprise at how many songs are repeated session after session at established jam sessions. This is because popular sessions often attract the same players week after week or month after month and some of them only know a handful of songs. This is not a bad thing; those songs tend to be “ice breakers,” tunes that most everyone knows and can play reasonably well. Depending upon how long a session lasts, as it progresses some participants will begin throwing out lesser known songs and I think this is where the real fun starts. It’s a great way to discover new songs (and the artists who created them). Hearing new songs played by people who are more or less on your level is way more impactful than hearing a new song on the radio or streamed on some streaming service. If a new-to-you song is played without studio production values there is a huge psychological benefit. Hey, you say to yourself. I really like that song and wow - it doesn’t look that hard to play at all! Taken a step further, this becomes a great way to make new friends by asking the person who brought the song to the session if they could show it to you.
 
In most cases, showing up at a jam session and hanging back to just quietly play along is perfectly fine. But after hanging back for a session or two, to be a true participant you should do your best to get up the courage to “call a song.”  It does NOT have to be anything fancy, just something reasonably well known that has not been played. Classic country tunes are great for doing this. “Three chords and the Truth” as Willie famously said, and the vast majority of the participants will know them.
 
Some sessions have a defined structure, i.e., participants can lead two or three songs before another person calls them. But understand that you are under no obligation whatsoever to call a song or songs. Some people never do and always have a wonderful time.
 
So….take a chance! Get out there and attend a jam session if you can. My dear friend Frank K. joined one a few years ago in his small town in Pennsylvania and he has told me many times that it was and is nothing short of a rebirth in his enjoyment of music. His experience can be yours, too. Go for it!!
 
Peace & good music,
 
Gene

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